Control

Just finished an hour and a half of Vinyasa sequence.  I practiced the Firefly (Tittibhasana) today.  My hands were pressing firmly into the ground, My hips lowered, my hamstrings were pressing against my arms.  I pressed my feet together in front of me (My legs aren’t ready to open outward yet) and I held for about three breaths.  It was good.  I had to jump back onto my feet to keep from falling onto my bum but it was good.  My stomach was active; the abs were clenching.

I want to be graceful.  I want to be strong and open, and I want my body to do as I tell it to do.  I want control.  There are so many things that frustrate me, scare me and make me angry(troubles with a relative, The government secretly agreeing about Trans-Pacific Partnership etc.).  Those things, for the most part, are separate from me; I didn’t ask for them. But when I’m on the mat that is my time to take myself back, listen to myself and know who I am.  The control is all mine

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Where I stand

In the early hours of this new day, emotions riot within me.  But why?  I shouldn’t have a struggle in the world..  I want for nothing, have food and a home. I get everything that I want handed to me on a silver platter..  Why the misery?  Why the dissatisfaction?  The depression and the self hate?  I hope, through this blog I can sort these thoughts and feelings out.  Or at least… maybe I can get through to someone else who is actually struggling.